Cradle

In real life I found out I was pregnant on April 7th, 2014, but my boyfriend conceived me to get a abortion this Friday April 25th because I have no place of my own, he is told old (Hes 55 & I'm 30) & we don't have the money. I don't want an abortion (promised myself I would never have 1), but I will be kicked out of my mom's boyfriends house if I have another child & I would have no where to go with my other 3 young children. I have called up programs & shelters but they are all to far away & most of them are filled up, out of district or don't take large families.

In my dream, I dreamed that My boyfriend & were together in a 3 bedroom place. My 2 sons had a shared room with a bunk bed & my 6 yr old daughter had a nice, clean room. In the backyard there were neighbors that had kids my kids & a dog that they played with. However I had a feeling of amnesia when I saw the empty blue bassinet in my room. (How did I get here, Where was I. Why am I standing up looking at a positive pregnant test with a empty baby bassinet in my room?) Then there was fast snapshots of me being 6 months then 9 months pregnant. While I was in a hospital bed, my boyfriend was holding a baby then giving it to an older, religious, spiritual man. (I had a feeling that this was god or Jesus) A feeling of depression, empty & loss took over & my vision turned into me in the drivers seat of my van parked in the middle of the train tracks watching the train come closer & closer & then I woke up sweaty, hot, dizzy & disoriented.