Kernels

I dreamt I lay naked with an ex lover, (who had NPD and caused a great deal of psychological damage to everyone he was close to). We were aware of each other's nakedness, but it seemed our souls were speaking to each other and saying it was time to let go (we've been finished for three years and together for three years). Although we were both aware we were aroused by each other, we each acknowledged it would be a bad idea to start again. It was all emotionless and objective.

I then went downstairs (now dressed) to the living room where there was a black man with receding hair. I asked him what he was doing. I didn't feel threatened, just curious. He was dismissive of me and ignored me (could represent my ex as he had a receding hair line and acted in the way this stranger did).

Then a beautiful black woman with a halo of ringlets approached me; she had half an apricot in her hand and asked me if I had an implement to cut out the kernel. I didn't but handed her a curved knife, which she took and proceeded to cut out the kernel. She was lovely (I'm Caucasian, but felt she represented me and the qualities I wished to have - even the hair, as I'm experimenting with natural hair rinses which are making my hair curly where it's previously been straight). I did ask her what the man was doing there and he didn't seem to be very nice. (all this time she was slowly and carefully cutting the kernel from the half apricot) Her response was along the lines of 'leave him to it, he'll go away soon'.

When I asked what she was doing there, she smiled warmly at me. I can't recall her words, but she seemed wise, loving and healing - something along the lines of 'you'll soon discover why I'm here', and I felt comforted by that.

I am about to start dating again, with a man who I met on a boat that (ironically) was the one my ex and I were painting when I told him I'd had enough and was leaving him (for the third and last time, after three years together, which finished three years ago).

I've read that apricots are not positive symbols and I don't want to enter into a relationship that is going to be as damaging as the one I had with my ex.

The other odd thing is, that, despite how traumatic the relationship was - I never had dreams of him, other than one I had at the start of the relationship - which gave me a strong sense of foreboding. I dream about everybody and everything in vivid Technicolor, so not dreaming of him, I presume, was my psyche protecting itself from further harm? or perhaps the opposite.

It has taken a great deal of courage and gentle persuasion from this man to trust enough to even go on a date let alone start a relationship. Is this a warning or a sign that I'm free and it's safe to trust again? (By the way, by another strange coincidence, our first date falls on april 26th - the anniversary of moving in with my ex, and also the anniversary of my finishing with him)

There's so much symbolism here, I don't know where to start and can't seem to find out anything at all about apricot kernels and what they mean in a dream, I would love to get clarification on what this dream means; as if I'd followed the foreboding I felt in that one dream I'd had of my ex, I would have saved myself an enormous amount of heartache.